Ok, it’s been a year since I last blogged and a lot has happened. Fun stuff and difficult stuff. And all of it has lead to me to where I am today, teaching Pilates like a boss and working at lululemon like a champ. One of my goals this year is to be able to do a handstand unassisted. Here is a video of how I practice. …and of how Brian feels about my practice. Keep in mind his office is on the other side of the wall I’m using. And please don’t judge me for my butt being in the camera so much. Just enjoy the commentary. 😉
Don’t put your Shamwow in the dryer. How do I know this? Where do I begin…
It all started a few years ago when I realized Brian’s thing is reading instructions. Just like Ross’s thing is divorcing and Chandler’s thing is being funny, Brian’s thing is reading the instructions for any new device. Or in this case, any new towel. I should also mention that my thing is typically destruction. I spill, drop, tear, or break things on a regular basis.
Now, when you combine these two truths about us, you have the potential for a cosmic explosion. And an explosion we had!
Over the weekend while we were babysitting for the girls who live upstairs, Brian (not me!) spilled my full glass of water on the carpet and partially under the sofa. Rather than going through countless paper towels, I asked Brian to run downstairs and get our Shamwow. Worked like a charm. A few days ago I was working at my table and spilled my cup of water (which had a lid on it but I still somehow managed to spill the whole thing). Naturally, I reached for the Shamwow. After drying the table, carpet, and remote (and part of the bunny who was sleeping under said table), naturally I threw it in the dryer.
This is where it gets good. Later that day, we were in the car on the way to pick up a movie for our date night and I shared the anecdote about my spillage and use of the Shamwow… and my use of the dryer. I think I’ll switch to script format here.
Brian: YOU WHAT!?
Becca: I put the Shamwow in the dryer. WHAT? WHY!?
Brian: [devilish smile and loud booming voice] AH HA! I KNEW you would break the Shamwow! You’re not supposed to do that! You didn’t read the instructions did you!?
Becca: [arms crossed, scowled eyebrows] You foiled me on purpose! You threw the instructions away before I could read them! You intentionally set me up for this!
Brian: [still has a devilish look on his face] I didn’t throw them away! Didn’t you see them under the sink stuck between the box of Brita filters and garbage bags!?
Becca: [finger wagging and pointing] You DID do this on purpose! We’re supposed to be a team! I can’t believe this! Look at you, you’re so happy!!!
Brian: [fist pumps] Well maybe next time you should read the instructions!
Becca: [arms crossed again, looking out the window] They should put it in the commercial. I pay attention to commercials and the commercial says you just throw it in the wash when it’s dirty! So… I assumed it meant the wash and dry cycle. …No wonder it looks funny now.
Brian: [Becca and Brian get out of their car, walk towards the door of the video store] Ha ha. Now you can’t make fun of me for reading the instructions any more! And you have to blog about this!…
[Becca and Brian open the store door and cross the threshold; Becca gives the hand slide across the throat indicating he should shut up or die.]
Becca: What should we rent?
*Side note, we purchased a new set of Shamwows at WalMart tonight.
I try to take as many opportunities as I can to help the toddler learn about real life. Over the last few weeks, when I’m getting her ready in the morning, she pokes her ribs and tells me she has bones and asks if I have bones. And if Yeyeah has bones. And we talk about body parts (but I have steered our conversations away from the bathing suit area thus far). She wanted to bring all of her lovies downstairs today. So, trying to avoid a tragic accident, I had her throw the soft ones down to me and carry one. The one she carried was this Elmo. [How does this furry red guy make kids so happy?] I told her he does have bones so we weren’t going to throw him.
This morning she lined up all of her lovies on the table as I made breakfast (or brefkist as I now call it). As she ate her bubuhrries and gogurt (blueberries and yogurt) she pointed at her teddy bear and said she was tickling his hand.
Enter said lesson:
Toddler: I touched teddy bear’s hand.
Becca: That’s called a paw. Humans have hands. Bears, dogs, and cats have paws.
T: *blank stare*
B: Boys and girls have hands with thumbs and fingers. Doggies and
kittens have paws.
T: Yeyeah has pahs?
B: Um, not really. She’s just… Kind of…
B: Yep, she’s squishy.
The toddler didn’t miss a beat. I got a good chuckle out of it. I also had a good chuckle at lunch (but had to hide it) as she tried to ask me a question with her mouth full of ritz crackers and peanut butter. I had to cover my face because of the projectile food and because I was laughing. I’m working with her on not talking with her mouth full and not dancing on her chair while eating. And not stomping on whatever is on the ground. And not eating things that aren’t food or have been on the ground including but not limited to wood chips at the park, an old goldfish from under the fridge, boogers, play-doh, and old cheese on the carpet. One thing at a time.