I have to tell you something that just happened to me. I’m going to do my best to describe the events that took place and I believe it will give you a clearer picture of me, my daily life, and the person with whom Brian is forever stuck (until death do us part, and maybe a little after that).
Today was my scheduled day to change contact lenses. As I was removing the new lenses from their packaging, I had a semi-difficult time separating the left eye contacts’ packaging as they are attached side-by-side by perforated foil. But I managed to get one off the row. Up next, the contact for my right eye (yes, they’re different in prescription and flatness). This is where the significant events took place. As I started to pull the contact packaging apart, the foil began to rip. It ripped quickly and past the part that is sealed for ‘freshness.’ Naturally I thought to myself, “no biggie, I’ll just put this lens in right now.” So I switched ends and started pulling from the bottom… using my left hand. Then, all of a sudden a giant angry rabbit with sharp fangs lunged right for my jugular! …No. I wish I had an excuse because all of a sudden the contact case went flying backwards over my left hand and landed directly in the toilet. Not even a rim shot. It just swished, or splashed, right in. I froze for a second, staring. I couldn’t have done that if I tried! I then grabbed it quickly before it had time to sink.
You might be thinking, “It’s okay, just rinse of the packaging. You can still use it!” NO! Remember how I told you I had ripped past the seal!?! I don’t want dirty toilet water in my eye! That’s conjunctivitis waiting to happen. AGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! How do I do these things? Now I’m down a month’s worth of contacts and will have to go back to the doctor early next year… And in a few months I’ll probably wonder why I have an extra contact for my left eye.
Do you see the hole? Just big enough for dirty water to get in! And yes, that’s probably toilet water. But don’t worry, I washed my hands.
Now, if only I could somehow use these powers for good rather than klutziness… I would be the best ever at parkour!